*****
"So all the girls over at Buffy's?" Xander asked Oz as they played pool in the Bronze. Oz shrugged.
"As far as I know," Oz said as he bent over to take a shot. "They're having an official all girl's thing. With drinks and pizza."
"So what do you think that the girls are doing right now?" Xander asked as he watched Oz's shot go in. "What *do* girls do in those kinds of parties?"
Oz shrugged as he measured his next shot. "Got me. Talk. Probably look at some mags or stuff. You know, like girl stuff."
*****
"Pass me another wine cooler, Willow," said Buffy as she laid on her stomach, her socked feet in the air. Willow obliged as she turned the page of her Playgirl Magazine.
"Oh, Wow! Look at this!" Willow said round eyed as she pointed to the man. She showed the pic to Buffy. "Never knew that these were, I mean, well...They're very..."
Buffy looked at Willow affectionately. Cordelia looked over Willow's shoulder as she took another swig of her wine cooler. "Yeah. I think that these guys are *very*..."
"How did you get these magazines Cordelia?" Willow asked as she turned the page. "Wow! Look at this one! He's upside down in a tree!"
"Yeah, how did you manage to get these mags?" Buffy seconded. "You didn't steal them, did you?"
"Nah. I swiped them from under Harmony's bed. She says that her Mom likes to look at them once in a while," Cordelia shrugged. "Pass a pizza, Buffy. The Super Deluxe Pineapple Special. Don't feel like Total Supreme Stuffed."
Buffy passed a slice and giggled. "Who would've thunk it? Harmony's mom, the PTA president, a closet porn reader. Wow."
"So how'd you get the coolers, Buffy?" Willow asked as she reached for a pink wine cooler, then hesitated. "How's the pink?"
"The Berry Blast or the Watermelon Zinger? Both are good," Buffy shrugged, then gave a mischiveous grin. "I flirted with Jeremy Clancy, you know, he works at the One-Stop Mart, near the Bronze. Let me have a case."
"Wow, Jeremy Clancy. He's going to San Fran this summer," Willow said wistfully. Then her eyes rounded. "You don't think he's friends with Oz, do you? I mean it would be a bad thing for Oz to know that we're..."
"Drinking? Nahh, I'm sure they're not friends at all," Buffy said as she took another swig. "Even if they were, Jeremy's leaving for San Fran in the fall. And it was his last day today, that's why he gave it to me. Pissed at Mr. Jackson for yelling at him about something, so he quit. Right after he gave me the case for free. Wow. Will, look at the size on HIM..."
Willow blinked her eyes as she looked at another nude man lying upside down on a couch. "Oh, my."
Cordelia took a swig from her cooler. "Cool. But let's get back to topic here. So how about finding out about Spike's thing?"
"What about finding out about Spike's thing?" Buffy asked as she rolled over to look at her hands. They were shaped a little funny so she moved them around. Willow looked at her friend, or tried to.
"Think she's talking about getting to look at Spike's parts," Willow said, then hiccupped. "I don't see why she's fixated on it though."
"Has to do with being a safe object of curiosity. Buffy won't talk about Angel's," Cordelia yawned. "All Xander wants to do is smooch and touch, while I want more. Damn it's hard being a frustrated virgin."
Buffy and Willow's eyes rounded. Cordelia looked up, shocked. "I didn't say that, did I? It's the coolers! I had seven of them!"
"Cordy! You're a virgin?" Willow squeaked. "You mean that you never...you didn't..."
"No,I didn't," Cordy scowled. "But don't tell anyone."
"Your secret's safe with us," Buffy grinned. "So how far with the touching?"
"My chest and his bottom," Cordelia said as she scowled into her empty wine cooler, and reached for another. "But I have rubbed up against his thing. Makes him crazy. Feels kinda nice."
"Yeah, Oz's is kinda nice, too," Willow agreed dreamily. "Especially when I rub against it a certain way. I didn't say that, did I?"
"Oooo, Willow's a naughty girl. Feelin' Oz's thang," Buffy giggled. Then burst out laughing. Cordy and Willow soon joined in.
*****
"Wonder what they talk about?" Oz mused as he watched Xander take a shot. Xander thought for a moment, then shrugged.
"You got me, only boys in my family," Xander said as he bent to aim. "Bet it's same stuff what they talk about here. Only a lot happier.Without the vampire subject."
*****
"Speaking of thangs," Willow giggled. "How was Angel's?"
"All I know is that it felt *real* dreamy," Buffy said with a dreamy smile. Then her face crumpled. "Never even got to see it. Too bad it was only once."
"Yeah," Willow said, feeling sad for her friend. Tears started rolling down her eyes. "It-was...it's...not...fair..."
"Yeah...I mean it's so sad that a hunk-a-licious like that's a creep," Cordelia sobbed. "It's enough to ruin my make up...Make my nose red..."
"Don't cry...." Tears started rolling down Buffy's eyes. "Oh, God, I have such good friends like you to help me through this..."
"Wahh! It's so unfair," Willow cried. "Angel nibbles on you, you die, Oz is a werewolf and he can't nibble on me, and Xander...."
"Xander only has a suction mouth when he kisses. His teeth get in the way," Cordy cried as she leaned on Willow's shoulder, sobbing her eyes out. "It's so unfair."
"Yeah, Fangs on all the sweeties," Buffy sobbed as she passed a tissue to Willow. "The Hellmouth's demons are ruining our pecking and petting sessions..."
"And it's ruining our make up," Cordelia wailed. Buffy and Willow burst into new tears.
*****
Xander watched as another of Oz's shot go in. "Thnk they're gonna do anything else other than do each other's make up? And read fashion mags?"
Oz shrugged. "Dunno. Watch movies?"
*****
The girls of the Scooby gang walked arm-in-arm down Buffy's empty street, swigging their wine coolers. Still sobbing at the injustice of living on the Hellmouth and having it play havoc with their cuties.
"Well, well, who do we have here," a voice drawled. "If it isn't the Slayer and company, minus three."
Buffy squinted in the dark. "Who?" Angel stepped out from behind a tree. "Don't tell me you've forgotten me, lover. I'm hurt."
"Angel," Buffy whispered, then her face crumbled in fresh tears. Angel stared at her.
"What the-" Angel started when something went past his head. He looked at Willow, her face was flushed, chest heaving and her hands were in fists.
"Look what you did, you fucking bastard," Willow screamed. "You made her cry again! We were feeling so much better, and then YOU had to come! Come on, put up your dukes! I'm gonna punch your lights out!"
Angel looked at her in confusion. "What the HELL is going on?"
"I'm gonna beat you silly, you...you...man!" Willow said as she jabbed a punch into Angel's stomach. The punch barely hurt Angel. Willow sent another punch, which Angel caught in his hand. "Ow! Buffy! Cordy!"
"You let her go, you insensitive jerk!" Cordelia screeched as she swung her wine cooler bottle at him like a bat, and missed. "You don't call! You don't write! All you think of is destruction! And you're ruining our make-up!"
Cordelia took another swing, and it connected with Angel's head. Hard. Angel fell flat on the pavement. Buffy walked over to look at him.
"You whammied my ex-honey."
Cordelia put her arm over Buffy's shoulder. "He deserved it."
Willow looked over the unconscious Angel. "Yeah. So what now?"
*****
"Want to play another game? Or you want to go home?" Xander asked as he racked up the balls. Oz looked at his watch.
"Let's play another round," said Oz as he looked around. "Man, it sure is dead here tonight. And on a Friday, too. Think the girls are having fun?"
"They're probably as bored as we are," Xander said as he laid out the balls. "Want to go first?"
*****
Angel's mind took note of four things as he woke up. One, his head was hurting. Two, his hands were tied behind his back. Three, it was bright where he was sitting. Four, something was over his mouth.
"Well, what should we do with him?" he heard Cordelia ask.
"Dunno," Buffy answered. "Normally I'd stake a vamp and go home, not knock himout and tie him up like a turkey in my kitchen."
Angel lifted his head up at that. "Mmmm...ughhhh..mmmm."
Willow blinked. "Guys, he's awake. Hi, Angel."
"Oh, so he is," Buffy looked at her ex with an uncomprehending look. "Hi Angel. Whatcha doin' in my 'hood?"
Angel glared at her until he smelled her breath. His eyes widened as he took in that the three girls were all rosy cheeked and had bottles of wine coolers in their hands. //Shit! I was taken down by two drunken girls!//
Buffy patted his head like a dog's. "Oh, poor Angel. Won't answer. He never answers me. Always the cryptic guy."
"Poor Buffy, least Xander babbles to me," Cordelia said as she patted her shoulder. She wagged a well-manicured finger at him. "You should be ashamed, hiccup, of yourself. Hunk like you oughta know better."
Angel glared at her.
"Yeah," Willow piped up, her legs swinging from the counter. "Even Oz talks to me about stuff. Doesn't even try to bite me."
"So what do we do with him?" Buffy asked. "We stake him?"
"Hey! I got it!" Willow shouted. The other girls looked at her. "Why don't you look at his thing, Buffy?" //What the hell is going on?// Angel thought frantically as his eyes darted from one drunken girl to another.
"Look at his thing?" Buffy repeated. "I can't do that!"
"Why not? You said that you only felt his thing on that one night," Willow reasoned. "You never saw it."
"Yeah, but..." Buffy faltered. Angel felt her eyes drop below his belt. //Ohhh no. They CAN'T be talking about...//
"Willow's right, Buffy. I mean, since you're not the virgin anymore, you should at least get to see it," Cordelia reasoned. "I mean, feelin's great, that's for us. But once you're popped, well...anyway, you deserve to see it at least once."
"Yeah,"Willow said happily. "And we can see too..."
Angel's eyes widened at that. Buffy shook her head so hard, she nearly toppled over. "No way. Nooo way. No one but me's gonna look at it."
Willow's face crumpled. Cordelia looked at her beligerantly. "Why not? We helped catch him for you!"
"Yeah, but are you gonn let ME see Xander and Oz's things,"Buffy said stubbornly.
"Well, no,"Willow said hesitantly.
"See?"
"Fine, but before we do this, I'm telling you that we need a treat for this," Cordelia growled. "I mean, I want to see a live or dead one *before* I'm not a virgin anymore. And I don't mean one from a mag."
Buffy scratched her head. "Then how about Spike's? We could try to get a gander at his. He was first choice."
Angel stared at Buffy. //They want to see *Spike's* dick? HE was FIRST choice?//
"Why not?" Willow shrugged. "Bet the factory's empty now, it's midnight."
"Okay. Hurry up Buffy, I wanna see Spike, but not be a menu," Cordelia said as she and Willow left the kitchen. Angel looked at his drunken Slayer, all rosy cheeked. Her eyes were concentrated on his zipper. He crossed his leg, Buffy looked at him, then smacked him on the side of his head.
"Stop that," Buffy commanded. She uncrossed his legs, and undid his belt. Angel frantically moved his waist around to hamper her efforts. Buffy smacked him on the head harder. It stunned him for a few seconds, enough so that she was able to get his zipper down. Her eyes widened and mouth formed a perfect O when she peeled the pants away. His face f'ushing, Angel watched with concentrated detatchment as Buffy's trembling fingers reached for his cock. But without her even coming close to it, it sprang up in attention. Angel growled behind his gag. Damn her and her magic over him, as much as her hated her, he wanted her warm hands on him. He wanted to be inside her heat. For more than that one night. He wanted to be inside her warmth forever. Even when he was playing with Dru, his demented princess. He kept seeing HER, feeling her. And he HATED it. He HATED her.
Buffy's warm hand finally enclosed around Angel's cold penis. Her eyes looked at the part of Angel that gave her so much pleasure. The part that took him away from her. She let a finger trail along its rigid length, it quivered under her touch. She passed it over to her other hand, a concentrated look on her face as if trying to decipher why it held a sort of facination for her. She leaned over to smell it.
Angel groaned as he saw Buffy lean over his cock. He felt the warm breath that she blew over it, and shoved his hips upward. Buffy sprawled backwards, her eyes round, and stared at him. Angel had on the strangest look on his face, he looked like he was in pain, and she hadn't done anything to him.
"Buffy! You done yet?" Cordelia wailed from the living room. "We wanna see Spike!"
Buffy quickly got up, and stuffed Angel's hard penis back into his pants, none too gently. Angel groaned. Buffy glanced at his face. It still had a look of pain. "Ohhh, sorry! I'm coming! I'm done!"
"Great, let's go see Spike now," Willow said happily. "Where do we put Angel?"
"In the trunk," Cordelia said. "I'll drive. Let's get some more coolers for the road."
"Sounds cool to me," Buffy said as she hauled Angel up to his feet. "Wonder how Spike's gonna feel about us wanting to see his thing?"