"So, think the girls are up to a visit from us?" Xander asked as his ball went in.
"Nahh. Think they'd be, like, mad if we tried," Oz said as he looked around bored. "Don't want to get killed by them. Or worse lose out on smoochies if we try to crash."
"Yeah, the fems would probably pull the cold on us if we tried," Xander grimaced. "Least they're not doing anything dangerous, like we usually do."
*****
"Well, here we are! At the vamp factory," Cordelia announced. "So whats the plan? We go our holy water, stakes and crosses."
"I even got my crossbow," Buffy said happily. "Let's visit Spike."
"Should we get Angel out of the trunk?" Willow asked as she took a cross and stuffed it in her jeans. Buffy shrugged.
"Why not? Its not like we're gonna need him after we see Spike. Oughta be happy we gave him a lift home."
The girls entered the factory, dragging Angel along. Cordelia looked around the place and grimaced. "Ugh...what a mess! How can anyone live well around here?"
"We live here just fine," an accented voice answered. "What the hell do you three want?"
"Spike!" Buffy said delightfully. "How've you been? Getting better yet?"
"I'm fine, Slayer. No thanks to you," Spike said as he rolled out with two minions. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"We came to give Angel a lift home, but we're really here to see you, Spike! We really want to see all of you!" Willow said happily. "Arent you glad to see us?"
"Beg your pardon?" Spike asked, a bit puzzled. "You...came to bring Angel...home?"
"Yeah," Buffy said as she threw the still gagged and tied Angel between them and the wheel-chair bound Spike. "We gave him a ride home. But we really want to see you. Actually, a part of you."
Cordelia sighed. "Actually. we wanted to see your thing. Especially since Buffy wouldn't let us see Angel's."
"Hey! That was a private matter," Buffy protested. "It started between me and him, and ended between me and him. Besides, you SAID that you wouldn't let ME see Xander's thing."
"That's different!" Cordelia pouted. "Xander won't even let ME see his thing. But I'd bet that Oz would let you if Willow asked!"
"Oz wouldn't do it either," Willow said morosely, "He slaps my hands away everytime my hands go on his belt."
"Excuse me, but WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" Spike shouted. Buffy glared at him.
"No need to be rude, Spike. Jeez, hope you get off the wheels soon, slaying's no fun without you," Buffy pouted. "Like Cordy said, we're here to see you."
"For what? Last I heard, we're enemies. E-N-E-M-I-E-S. Know what that means?"
"Yep. It means that we're mortal rivals," Willow said happily. "But we're not here as enemies or rivals. We just want to see your thing."
"My what?"
"Your thing," Willow said slowly. "Your member...your...family jewels...your thing..."
Spike stared at her. Willow's eyes rounded in alarm. "You DO have a thing, don't you? I mean, it's not like, gone, is it? Buffy! What if it's gone?"
"Im sure it's not gone," Cordelia soothed. "I'm sure it's still there, or else why would he be called Spike? He'd be named Spikeless then. Unless...it's more of a phall-phall...oh, symbolic name than anything else.
"Oh, I'm sure that the thing is still there, Cordy," Buffy said in a sure tone. "I've kicked it a couple of times. But I'm not sure that it works."
"What are you girls talking about?" Spike shouted. Buffy glared at him.
"Well tell us the truth, IS your thing still working?"
"YES! It's still working! But WHY are you here?" Spike shouted.
Cordelia waved her hand imperiously. "We TOLD you. Because we wanted to see how big your thing is. Buffy wouldn't let us see Angel's, not that we blame her, since you were the first choice and all, but he was just there."
Angel groaned. His pride was in shreds. Let Buffy stake him now and be done with it. Cordelia continued. "So we all decided to see a real one, not one from a mag, before we're all not like, virgins. So we picked a neutral body, so to speak. Yours."
Spike stared at her. "The Hellmouth's finally done it. You girls are finally trippin'. You girls actually came here to see what my cock looks like."
All three girls nodded. Willow smiled brightly. "And we even brought Angel home."
"You think I want him home?" Spike snarled. "You could've staked him for all I care!"
"So you won't show us your thing?" Buffy pouted. "That's not nice."
Spike just stared at the Slayer. Willow offered. "Well, how about we show you the guys' things? From the mags of Harmony's mom?"
"NO!" Spike roared. Willow tried again.
"How about if we get Xander's and Oz's things for you to see?"
"NO!" Spike's face was growing red. //I'M NEVER going to live this down.//
Willow asked again. "Our things? Not that we have things, but we do have a different version of a male thing."
"I'm not showing him my thing," Buffy stated emphatically. "No matter *how* cute he is. Offer him some coolers, Will."
"How about-"
Spike roared. "NO! NO! NO! I don't want to see a mag of a man's thing! I DON'T want to see Xander's and Oz's things! *I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR THINGS! "
"But we want to see yours," Willow pouted. Spike glared at her.
"Enough of this! Attack them and throw them out!" Spike ordered the two minions. They raced towards the girls. One tried to attack Buffy, but she threw a stake at his heart. The other raced towards Cordelia who threw a vial of holy water at his face, and as he screamed, Willow staked him. Then the three looked at Spike. He took one look, and tried to roll away, but Buffy caught him. Angel tried to trip her, but she kicked him in the stomach. Buffy then placed a glaring game faced Spike in front of the girls. "Who goes first?"
"What about Angel?"
"Oh, haul him up on the chair. So we won't trip on him," Buffy ordered. "Can't have a man littering the hallway."
"What about Spike's teeth? And hands?"
Buffy tied them with a cloth she had in her jacket pocket. Then she found a handkerchief on a table nearby, and gagged him. Buffy kissed him on the cheek. "Be good, Spike, and we'll be quick. Now spread your legs wide..."
Spike glared at her. Then he sniffed, and went wide-eyed. He then looked at the two rosy cheeked girls kneeling around him. //Criminy! THEY WERE DRUNK! His two minions were dusted by three drunken horny girls!!//
"I got the belt," Willow giggled. Cordelia giggled as Buffy placed her cheek against Spike's and her arms flung around his chest. Her hands traced the muscles there.
"Been working out,Spike. Feelin' the muscles there," Buffy said huskily. Spike stared at the Slayer's lust filled eyes. //This was NOT happening.//
"I got the zipper," Cordelia crowed. Then her eyes widened. "Wow... better than the pics..."
"Does it work?" Willow asked. Spike glared at her. Buffy frowned and reached over to gently stroke it. It immediately went up at her touch. Buffy grinned as Spike groaned.
"Guess it does. Gee, from this angle, it looks as big as Angel's," Buffy commented. Spike and Angel glared at her. "Maybe a slight different in size? Touch it Will, and see if it'll go up some more."
Willow was hesitant to touch the thing. "What does it feel like?"
"Angel's felt like cold marble this time around," Buffy frowned. "This one feels a little..."
Cordelia's head shot up. "Buffy! Weve got company!"
"Oh, pooh!" Willow said. "Should we put him back?"
"Yeah, I'll do it. I put back Angel's," Buffy said. "Go to the car and be ready to scat."
Cordelia and Willow quickly rose up to go to the door. Buffy quickly stuffed Spike's thing back into his jeans with a little trouble. "It'd help if you lifted your hips a little, Spike. Got no desire to have Drucilla come in here with your pants down. There."
Buffy kissed his nose before she raced out of the door. "Get better Spike. Slayin' no fun without you, and I wanna stake you soon as you're on your feet. By the way, you were better than the pics!"
*****
"Ready to call it a night?" Oz asked. Xander nodded. "Want to do something with the girls tomorrow?"
"Nahh, let's have a man thing instead,"Xander said.
"We had that tonight,"Oz said patiently.
"Oh. Then let's call the girls and have a Scooby thing tomorrow. Prophecies, problems and demons, not included."
*****
Spike glared at Angel. Angel glared at Spike.
"They were drunk," Spike said. "And not thinking too clearly."
"I know that, roller boy," Angel growled. "So what's the story we tell? Or you want to say how three drunk girls over came four vampires just to take a look at our...things."
"MY thing," Spike growled back. He had the perverse satisfaction of know that all three wanted to look at HIS rather than Angel's first. That the Slayer was turned on by HIM. And she kissed HIM. And was waiting to fight HIM.
"Whatever," Angel growled. How dare Buffy want to see Spike's before HIS. That she admitted to waiting to fight SPIKE. To compare HIS cock against SPIKE'S. It was humiliating. "So what's the story?" "The girls came in to kill us both, and they heard the others pull up, then ran," Spike said flatly. "No mention about them wanting to look at our...things."
"Agreed. Shake,"Angel growled. The two vampires shook hands and parted. But as they turned away from each other, Spike started to grin widely as Angel's face grew white with hatred for his ex-lover and her friends.
The End